SATURDAY
1:00 a.m. - Alarm clock rings
2:00 a.m. - Hunting partner arrives, drags you out of bed
2:30 a.m. - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup
3:00 a.m. - Leave for the deep woods
3:15 a.m. - Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30 a.m. - Drive like mad to get to woods before daylight
4:00 a.m. - Set up camp - forgot the #%?$ tent
4:30 a.m. - Head into the woods
6:05 a.m. - See 8 deer
6:06 a.m. - Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07 a.m. - "CLICK"
6:08 a.m. - Load gun while watching deer go over hill
8:00 a.m. - Head back to camp
9:00 a.m. - Still looking for camp
10:00 a.m. - Realize you don't know where camp is
NOON - Fire gun for help - Eat wild berries
12:15 p.m. - Ran out of bullets - 8 deer came back
12:20 p.m. - Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 p.m. - Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 p.m. - Rescued
12:55 p.m. - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 p.m. - Arrive back at camp
3:30 p.m. - Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 p.m. - Return to camp for bullets
4:01 p.m. - Load gun - leave camp again
5:00 p.m. - Empty gun on squirrel that is bothering you
6:00 p.m. - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp
6:01 p.m. - Load gun
6:02 p.m. - Fire gun
6:03 p.m. - One dead pickup truck
6:05 p.m. - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer
6:06 p.m. - Repress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07 p.m. - Fall into fire
6:10 p.m. - Change clothes, throw burned clothes in fire
6:15 p.m. - Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25 p.m. - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block
6:26 p.m. - Start walking
6:30 p.m. - Stumble and fall, drop gun in the mud
6:35 p.m. - Meet bear
6:36 p.m. - Take aim
6:37 p.m. - Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud
6:38 p.m. - Soil underwear
6:39 p.m. - Climb tree
9:00 p.m. - Bear departs, wrap $%*#$@ gun around tree
MIDNIGHT - Home at last
SUNDAY - Watch football game on T.V., slowly tearing license into
little pieces, place into envelope and mail to game
warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.
